Trying another go at blogging!! Why I’ve been MIA?!

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So I’ve not posted in forever!! I think the last time I’ve posted was in May. I Believe I was talking to you guys about me being pregnant and even posted a few things I’d love to have when the baby arrives.

     Currently I’m 27 weeks & 5 Days pregnant. I found out the end of June That I’m expecting a little boy, Devin Elisha is what his name is going to be. I’ve thought of giving him another name but nothing has been decided yet. My husband and I can’t agree. urgh!!!!

I’ve Gotten just about everything we need for the baby. We still need to get a matteress for the crib, a swing—really wanting one of the swings that can go two different ways. I think they are called bassinet swings or something??? I am searching for a diaper cream that I bought when my Daughter was a baby, it is the only cream I will use. Will have to do a review on it soon. We need to get a car seat still and a stroller, thinking of a sit and stand, that way my DD can still benefit from it and a huge plus would be not having to chase my daughter down while pushing a stroller hahaha…….                              

they think something maybe wrong with the baby, spina bifida. However, I’m believing everything is fine. They have done 2 level 2 U/S and have found nothing wrong yet. Personally I think they have my due date off!!! I’ve been sick on and off again, ugh!!! I hate being sick, a good thing though so far I’ve only gained 4 lbs, but he is growing and I’m okay with not gaining much as long as he is growing like he needs to be. As of now they have my due date as November 24th, however the high risk doctor is going with the 11th of November. With a C Section I’m hoping to go much sooner!!!

We didn’t do a whole lot this year during the summer with me being pregnant, but I don’t mind I am more of a home body. Just a lot of everyday stuff and going to the 2 different baby doctors a lot. Playing with leah during the day. She started her 2nd year of Pre-School this past Monday, she loves school but it seems getting up early and staying so busy through out the day keeps her so tired. I had to keep her out of school last Thursday and Friday because of her getting a cold, took her to the doctor cause she had a fever, and found out her tubes came out. uggh! not sure if they will want to put tubes back in her ears or not. I really hope not, seems like she had more problems after the tube placement than before. Wished I knew how to help with the fluid though.

Everything on the marriage front is going great!! I think my husband and I are closer now than ever before. It is odd, or maybe I’m getting old. I’m just fine being at home with my kids and my husband and enjoying time with them. We started building a house and hopefully by spring time we can move in!!!

And Lastly thought I’d share what I’m currently reading. I don’t really care for the series, however I’ve watched all the movies and love reading books before I see the movies.  Will try and remember to do a review on it once I’m done, speaking of reviews I’ve got a few product reviews that I plan to do over the next few days.

Breaking Dawn (First Edition) Twilight Saga Book 4

Things I need for the baby

I thought I would post everything here that I need for the baby, and hopefully I could find some kindness online and find others who want to send me these items hahaha.....

drop ins it looks to be less of a clean up. I really hope the baby takes to these because my daughter, leah who is now almost 4 years old had a hard time with taking to bottles and we were always changing bottles and it always a battle to find something she liked.I know my niece has used these with both her new baby daughter and her son who is now about 2 years old. The picture to the side of this post is the 8 oz disposable drop ins, of course when the baby is born I will need the 4oz. I've heard that the liners can melt if you try to warm them up, which makes perfect sense. So I will have to see what I will have to do in order to warm the bottle up. I've also so read that the disposable liners can be reused if rewashed immediately after use. I might try that, but it seems to me if they aren't sanitary then It wouldn't do any good. Honestly I'd be afraid that the baby would get some sort of thrash or something.

I gave my old carrier to another family member that was pregnant  and I saw these in a magazine, and I think they are really cute and would really love to have one of these. You can go onto BabyHawk and design your own baby carrier for you and your little to meet your own taste. You can choose from a wide range of colors and patterns to meet your flavor. They aren't your normal baby carrier, and will need to make sure that your little one is secure. I think I'd probably have someone on hand to help me because it looks like you tie the straps, instead of the usual snapping place.

Details of my Journal Entry from iPregnancy

Here's the information from my Journal Entry on Thursday, March 18, 2010 12:05 PM when I was 3w5d.

My Visit Notes:
Had a doctor appointment at Dr. Kemkar's office and asked when was my last period cause I hadn't had a period for some time. It had been over a month since I had one so they did a pregnancy test on me and it was POSITIVE! It was a huge surprise but was so excited!

Photo for this entry:

Gone but not forgotten

So much has been going on lately and I really don’t know where to start? I’ve not really been keeping this blog up to date, however I do plan to start trying to get back into the groove of things.
My baby girl, Leah Josephine started going to  elementary school, I guess it was a few weeks before Thanksgiving. She’s only 3 years old so normally she would not even be going to school. But, she had tubes put in her ears, in which they tested her hearing before hand and one of her eardrums did not respond. I’m hoping that the tubes have helped! I do see a great improvement over the last several months. Any ways the ear doctor thought she should be tested to see if she is where she needs to be in different area’s of development. She was tested through our public school system. They said she was about a year behind in cognitive development and communitive she was around 6 months behind. But I have seen a lot of improvement in her vocabulary in the last several months and I think she is doing very well. They think she will still be able to start kindergarten with kids her own age.
Since October my husband and I have done nothing BUT argue! I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t know what? I think a woman knows when something is going on. My sister, Marcia always told me you would know. I think a woman always has something about them to tell them when something isn’t right. Be it about your marriage or someone who isn’t of good company to your children. I won’t give all the details of everything that went on cause, I know there are people that I know in RL that I think is none of their business. I believe that one of the men he is good friends with at work, who we know pretty good cause we’ve been to church with them that has been talking to him. I ask his wife to pray for him. I know my mom has, and I have too. To be honest I think our little girl has too. I know most people do not agree with me taking him back. But, I’ve never believed in divorce. I want my daughter to have both me and her father around to be there for her.
I had to drop one of my courses in school this semester, so now I’m currently only taking one class at a time. But I know next semester if I continue to go to school I need to add another class. I’m thinking of transferring and taking one class at a time anyways, Cause I’m seriously hoping I can find a job soon. We are going to try and move out of my husband’s aunts house soon so I want to be out of our own at least by the first of May. Which should be pretty doable. I don’t think I can really concentrate on school as much I think doing one course at a time would be plenty enough. With a family, a house to manage on my own, and running after a 3 year old. School would be overwhelming if I take too many classes at once.
Well, I’ve not been working out like I should but I really want to start trying to get back on track. I hope we can find a place that has enough room to put up my treadmill so I can begin to do my running/ walking once again. I have plenty of workout dvd’s too so maybe soon we will have the room to do that! I took some before pictures of me the other day, thought I would take a front and side view picture of myself once a month. I have a new camera and tripod so who knows one day I might get brave and do some actual vlogging. 

Heartbroken

I'm not sure if anyone ever comes here anymore but Thought I would write today and tell what has really been going on in my life! I've not really been coming and blogging much. For months No, really on and off since my daughter has been born I've not been happy. Actually, I've been extremely depressed. So much at times that I've thought of suicide. I hate to say or even imagine that. Cause I know what Suicide has done to my family in the past! About 7 years ago my sister, Marcia Committed Suicide and I know that I can't put my family through that again! I have a beautiful daughter to think of. I know that I can get through this its going to be hard. But I think I already know what I've got to do. 

So much has changed between my husband and I. I'm not sure if any of it can be repaired. So much has happened. I love him, but I can't keep getting hurt and I have to do what is best not only for myself, but for my daughter too. I guess it started when I had my daughter, I had an emergency C-Section and had a staph infection  (MRSA) but later found out once I got home about it! Anyways, he has always worked a lot of hours. Leah has always had to stay in our bedroom, because we've either lived in a small house that was only a one bedroom or we've lived with someone where we only had one room to ourself. He would get mad if she cried or if she stayed up late. It would keep him up! And of course he had to be at work the next morning. Then he would begin hiding certain "Habits" I found out about them and finally accepted those "habits" but he wasn't being the person I fell in love with. He told me he was a Good Christian man and that's what I fell in love with. I think we've always argued about him not wanting to spend some time with me and showing me those little gestures that he loves me. But he doesn't. He said I shouldn't have to have that, that I'm living some fairy tale. He told me the other night that what he wanted most was for EVERYONE to leave him alone! He works almost 60 hours a week, and he doesn't want to spend time with his wife and children??? isn't something wrong with that picture? This coming March my husband had a car accident 2 years ago, he almost died. I've had a near death accident, in which I started not taken life for granted so much. But, not him. He has even said he wished he went ahead and died. Well, we where in bed one night. He began punching me in the face. I guess I should of left then. But he said he it was an accident and that he done that in his sleep. Maybe he did but who is to say he didn't do it on purpose to try and make me leave. I don't know. But why stay in a marriage if your miserable and unhappy? I always said I didn't believe in divorce but I guess overtime when so many things have happened you just get tired of caring and just want to be whole again. I'm not working and just going to school which makes this much harder. My jeep is tore up and have no way about going anywhere which makes it just as hard. Hopefully I can get it fix soon. 

Ears to hear with

I'm sooooo exhausted lately we have been going to bed really late!!
I guess it's my own fault. My little girl hasn't been wanting to take
a nap during the day at all. Not sure what her deal is. Perhaps she is
just getting older.
This morning she had to have tubes put in both ears this morning.
She done really well going to the back with a complete stranger. Once
she woke up she was crying because of the ringing in her ears. She
cried and cried till we got home. I think this was more scary for me.
The whole process took about an hour. Including wait time. Maybe not
even that long. I guess every mother worries about her child. It's
hard to believe she's going to be 3 years old in another month.
Another little boy was there having tubes in for the 2nd time. He was
4 years old. He had a neurolgical speech disability. He was non-
verbal, he could only say one syllabol words. It just broke my
heart! It made me thankful that my child doesn't have any major
health or developmental issues.
Mary Beth
Sent from my iPod

A great loss

Last Tuesday, We had a great loss in our Family. My husband's Brother, David was 52 years old. He had cancer in the lungs, liver and Kidneys, in addition to his lymph nods. It was a great loss and still I can't believe he is gone. It's so unreal that you have those that you care for deeply by your side one moment and the next they are gone. It's just so unbelievable. In last year, he and his daughter would come over if not everyday every other day. We almost always spent our weekends as a group hanging out and having fun. Be it cook outs, easter egg hunts, watching a movie or playing a game of ROOK. I have to say he, out of any of my brother in laws was cool to hang out with. We always picked at each other. He would pick at me cause when playing rook I'd be reading a book or some random magazine. All the while playing cards. Everytime we played rook he always had to explain it over and over to me. I miss him there is no doubt about that. There have been nights my husband can't sleep at all. I've lost a brother and a sister so I can relate to an extent. Although my brother we knew had a time limit on his life. The doctors once said he had 6 months to live, in which he lived for 3 more years. My sister, dying by sucide was more tragic and was an unexpected great loss no one should ever have to go through. I miss them all everyday. I know though, that my brother in law david is in a much better place. I can only strive to make it into the Heavenly Gates. I'm doing better with my spirtual walk. My family has been going to church for almost 2 months straight now. I guess we got to just strive forward and keep it up!

I've been really depressed lately. I know a lot of it is due to my weight. I have gained 10 lbs since moving which is depressing in itself. I've not been eating right at all. Most mornings I guess I'm too lazy to put forth the effort and I eat what is cooked by my husbands aunt. I know I should be eating my oatmeal or something much more healthy but, haven't. There is so much fried foods being cooked on a daily basis the oil itself could fuel a car. UGH! I guess I need to put forth the effort to cook for myself and cook better. I rarely get in exercise time. I'm always so tired. I feel that I have to get a nap in when my 2 year old does in order to get through my day! I know working out makes me feel better. I guess I need to set up an action plan and stick to it. I've heard of people schedule in exercise just like they would a doctor appointment. I'm thinking of doing just that.

As far as movies and TV Shows I've been watching Lifetime's "Drop Dead Diva" in which, I really like it. Its about a lawyer who pretty much has the life anyone would want. I guess you could say she is spoiled but, she dies and is brought back to life into a different body of an overweight lawyer who had a guardian angel.

We've almost finished with the 4 season of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I'm at the Point where Mikeala just found out she is pregnant. I will be sad to see an end to this show. I really like it. Wished there was more tv shows like this.

I watched the last show of Felicity Season 2 today.

I'm currently watch Hannah Montana's Movie. I have A Netflicks account in which that is how I watch most of the new releases as well as older tv shows. Guess I need to find something else to get my husband and myself addicted to.

Happy Sunday!

I hope all of you are having a Great Weekend! Its Sunday and Have yet to hold up to my New Year Resolution and Start going to Church Every Sunday. I Really feel bad about it and I know I need to go but,living with my husbands family my life seems so out of balance so,hopefully once we get moved things will be more in order.

Leah is sick yet again! She has this old crud AKA a Bad head cold. Every since she was little every time she gets sick her left eye waters like crazy and has thick icky green goo.. But,she has some antibiotics that she's on so maybe this will help that. So,now I've got it. Yesterday was my Moms Birthday. Happy Birthday mom! Dad was buying some cake and ice cream and was going to go but,I hated to get leah back out in this weather and get her even more sick. Plus after packing and putting things in the new house I just felt awful. We haven't got the utilities turned on yet and its so cold here and I was freezing' to death! It took most of the night to warm back up. How in the world does Homeless ppl survive in weather like this?

I tried doing my Unemployment over the phone this morning and the TIPS Line was BUSY! ugh so figures so thought I'd try it online and I put my info in and it said my account was frozen or something????? So now I'm going to have to go to the office in the morning which I'm thinking they'll be closed? I think tomorrow is MLK Day. I will have to look at the calendar. So I probably won't even get a check this week. So aggravating. Hopefully soon I can get this straightened out and get my checks coming in soon.

I wanted to blog about a Giveaway over at An Ordinary Life that ends Jan. 28th They are giving away a Guitar Hero which is my Husbands Favorite Video game and he doesn't even own it. He borrowed it when it came out on The PlayStation and he just loves this game. So who knows maybe I'll win and I can give it to him for an Anniversary Gift. Our Anniversary is a little over a month away. February 20Th.

I weighed in today at 264 even. My weigh ins this past week was off! I didn't weigh in last Sunday which is when I usually weigh myself so,I went ahead and weighed in on Wednesday. I'm really really wanting a treadmill so I can get my walking in and not worry about having to go out. Would make it so much easier. I'm a Stay @ Home mom and its too cold to have Leah out right now and Hubby gets up at 4:30am to get ready for work and he usually doesn't get home till around 7pm. So,Don't really have the option to have him watch her while I workout. So,maybe soon. we will get a Treadmill and I can just workout at home. So,maybe in a few weeks I will have one. I'm also aiming to get a Wii Fit. Maybe I can do these 2 activities and not have to leave the comfort of my own home. I thought I could do these while Leah is napping or at night after she goes to bed.

A loss is my Gain!

I've lose -2 lbs yah me!! I've not been getting on the Computer much since I've been having to chase after a Toddler :P See has just been very What's the word??? Feisty..LOL lately. Like I said the other day she's been biting and pushing. Urgh..Hopefully she will get broken from that soon. So,since I can't get online all the time I have this RSS Feed Reader to add my blog that I read on a regular basis. So,I decided to add all my Team mates on BLBE. I'm all caught up on them and as you post they will be loaded on to this app on my iPod Touch. So while I'm watching TV or something other random thing I can read them. If there is something I want to comment on and don't have the time I email that link to myself! So I will try my best to comment but,being a mother of a toddler that can be a task in itself. IF I get on the computer when Leah is awake it seems like she just gets unruly and goes crazy.

So,my weight loss how I lost it I'm unsure cause I've not been working out. I hate to keep Leah Cooped up in our Room and I've always been the type to not wanting Peeps watch me working out. I was going to the local YMCA and it was even a huge deal working out with people there. Anywhoo,I know I will feel better about the working out deal once we get into our own place. Its probably going to cost close to $2,000 for us to get moved but,to be one our own its worth it. I'm so antious. I wished there was a Way for us to file our taxes so we can get $ to do so even quicker. So,I've not been eating completely what I should. Last Night we had Vegetable soup which wasn't too bad. I've not had a Dr.Pepper in about a week. I've been drinking more water and Fruit Punch Crystal Light. So maybe drinking the water and the Crystal light helps some. The other day I calculated how many Mt. Dew's my husband had and he drank over 800 calories in one day! Alot of people don't think of the calories they are drinking up over half of their calories or even points. I found a Great App at the apple ipod store. Its called Lost it. Not sure If I've talked about it yet but,its a great app for counting calories and keeping up with exercise.

I've been trying to catch up on my Jillian Michaels Podcasts. I really like her podcasts and think they are very imformative and motivating. I've gotten all the older ones and am trying to listen to all of them and catch up. The other night on biggest loser they gave a great site right before a commercial. Never Say Diet. Also check out Exercise Tv or even youtube. Hubby got me a 25 ft. VGA cord for my computer that hooks into our tv which makes for great ways to watchs videos online which is mostly why we use the bigger tv for.


Its cold here in Tennessee and its been TRYING to snow but,its not stuck with us yet! I know some of you may smacck me but,I want some snow already!

Biggest Loser Night, My day & Disciplining Toddlers

So tonight is biggest loser night! Yah!! Let's Go Team Lynn!!!! Can you imagine getting that temptation? It would be so hard to pass up. I'm going to have to be more aware of the food I'm eating. I've been eating cr@p and haven't been working out either. I know I messed my knee up but I really want to try getting some exercise in. I kept saying I was going to workout yesterday but never did. Ugh!! I really need to get with the Program Already. You need to Push YOU. Any of you BLBE's want to hold me accountable more. Maybe be accountabilty partners? Talk about partners how great was the biggest losers tonight helping dan up that huge hill. Now that's what's it all about. Being there for your teammates no matter what it is that you face.

What about Bob?? I love him and I'd love a chance to train with for 1 day that's all. Why is it that some of these contestants could careless. I've never seen bob that mad. Whoohoo!

I had to watch my 10 year old neice Gina today. Her mom woke me up before 6 am. She said her girls where getting ready for school and her sisters flat iron fell on her foot and burned it. It looked pretty icky. I had this burn gel for bad sun burns and thought that might help her she took a nap after I put it on her. It has a cooling sensation to it. So keep my little neice in your prayers. After leah had her nap I loaded up the truck with another Load of boxes to take to the new place. I took leah's little kitchen set,some quilts that we aren't using right now. I'm big on making sure there is enough to put on the beds just in case it gets really cold. I brought some cleaning supplies as well as some pictures. Probably won't take anything else to the new house till this weekend.

I finished reading "Finding Noel" by Richard Paul Evans. I will try to do a review tomorrow. I can say it was a great read. I started reading "Anne of Avonlea" L.M.Montgomery I love all the "Anne" books. This will make the 2nd book in the series I've read.

I've about wanted to pull my hair out. I was a stay @ home mom till my husband had his car wreck and I had to return to work. It seems Leah has become so out of hand. Marty's Aunt watched her while I worked and Ive seen how she is with Little ones. She screams at them all the time ugh!! So gets on my nerves. Leah has been biting. Most of the time it's when she gets excited or frustrated and even when she isn't being the center of attention and now she has taken up pushing. I am at my witts end. She pushed the other little boy Diane baby sits and laughed about it. I hope she will be better behaved once she gets used to me being home with her again. Is my kid the only one that's like this? Any mothers want to give me tips on discipline??

[Posted with iBlogger from my ipod touch]

sorry for the delay

I'm so sorry I've not been keeping up with this blog lately. I've not been working cause supposedly they can't find me any work! My little girl,Leah has been sick. Last week she got a stomach virus then gave it to me. I never felt so awful in my life. She has had all sorts of sinus issues but,was thinking it was alot due to her cutting her big molars. Well,now I've got this crud for what makes the 3rd time since October!! I've not been in the mood for working out at all lately. I got on Ebay the other day and ordered Leah a Little Rocking Chair. Its unfinished so it will have to be sanded and painted. I try to look for things I know she'll love and she will sit and bounce on her little toddler bed and try and rock her dollies to sleep. So I believe she will love it. I think I will buy her some new Pjs and maybe a new dollie. I don't care as long as she gets something for christmas. I think Christmas is for kiddies anyways. Its all about giving.

Leah Had a Stomach virus

Leah Had a Stomach virus And she gave it to me. I threw up five times last night and then had Diahrea. We are all sick
~Boo Bear~

On the Move

Well,we finally found us a place!! I'm so excited. We've been living with my husband's Family since his car accident cuz,on my paycheck alone we just didn't have enough $$ aka Moolah to afford to even rent a place. My husband's uncle gave us some land that he said we could build on but,We've hit every sort of road block imaginable. So,Hubby finally decided to move into a place out to ourselves. I've been pretty much begging and pleading for him to move out of his families house 4eva it seems!! We found out my 16 Year old Step-Daughter "might" be pregnant we don't know for sure but,its a huge possiblity. She hasn't said anything to her mother yet. I told her to just wait and we will come to that if we have to. I'm gonna take her to the Doctor when she comes in for Thanksgiving. She lives about 3 hours away. Its been around 7 months since she's even seen her dad. I told my husband that her mom lets her do whatever she wants like she is an adult. What's done is done we can't unchange it. She has no stability in her life. She gets mad at one parent for trying to correct her and then goes lives with the other and it just repeats itself. She doesn't have no stabilty like that!!! If she is preggers I just hope she finishes school She now a Junior in School and she has about a Year and a half left to go. It would have to be hard to be a teen-aged mom and trying to finish school. Motherhood is hard enough let alone having to be one as a teenager. I think my husband is thinking that if her mom blows her top that way she will have a place to come to if she needs one. So Hopefully we'll get moved into this new place within the next month or so. I'm just so EXCITED!!!! We have most of our things packed up so we won't have to worry about the packaging part. We just have our dressers and our beds her at martys families house. I finally got placed at another house at work. I'm only working 24 hours a week :( not good!! I need some more work. I need at least 40 hours a week if we are gonna be living out on our own. I will be working Mondays,Wednesdays,Fridays & Saturdays.

I called the Electric and Water to see how much we'd have to pay to get them turned on and surprisingly it wasn't too bad! So hopefully My husband can Pay the 1st months rent and deposit and I can get the Electric & Water paid so we can get moved in. WE have alot of things that we'll have to buy that we threw away when we packed our stuff up in storage. My husband doesn't want me to take this computer to the new place. He said at the end of January when we get our Taxes he was gonna buy me a new computer. So,I decided I would trade with his aunt. She said I could buy her living room set. Love Seat,Sofa,recliner. I believe its an ashley furniture its not the greatest but,I thought I would repay them since I really don't have the cash that I'd give them this computer since I'm buying me a brand new computer. I'm thinking of a New apple laptop or maybe the new HP smarttouch. We'll just have to see when that time comes. The house we are moving into is a 3 Bedroom & 3 Bath. I might just make one of the rooms into a workout room/ computer room. I guess it depends on my Step-Daughters Situation.

On the workout front...there hasn't been any in almost 2 weeks I guess. I've been so sick. I think I had the flu or something then I think it turned into strep Throat. My mouth has never been so sore. I'm gonna try and get back into workout though I promise. ohh yeah I have to tell you what leah done this morning. I got up outta bed to use the bathroom. Leah was waking up and thought it would be awhile before she'd actually get outta bed. One thing about living with family I have Marty's Aunt to help me with Leah. I figured it would be awhile before she'd actually get outta bed. I was using the bathroom and I heard Leah Yelling "Di...Di....Diiiii,DIIIII" it was so cute. Diane which is Marty's Aunt was up waiting for a kid to get here that she babysits. Well,she came into our room and leah was sitting on the side of the bed. Nothing was wrong she just didn't want to get outta bed all on her own. Talk about lazy. I was calling her Lazy bones this morning. So cute though...

Happy 2nd Birthday Leah Josephine

Where has the time gone? My baby turned 2 years old today. I had a rough pregnancy and delivery. I had to be induced and was doing great with the labor pains but I was afraid I couldn't handle the pain later on so I went ahead and took the epidural. I went into labor around 6 am and for the most part everything went along smoothly. My dr. Couldn't be there and sent in the midwife. I only saw her once at that was around 8 am. The only ones I saw was the delivery nurse. I don't understand why they didn't come to check on me? Any hoo I started pushing around 3 pm and was having no luck at all. She was turned to wrong way. Her heart rate was dropping. Finally at 7 pm my doctor showed up and wondered why I still hadn't had her. The delivery nurse had only been on the job a few days and I think she got scared and didn't tell them what was going on. He finally got to her head and tried the sucction but there wasn't much sucess. He said if you don't have her in 30 mins well have to do an emergency C-Section. So 30 mins passed and her heart rate continued to dropped so they asked my husbands permission. He agreeed and at 8:27pm we had our baby girl. But all was not right with our world. She only had a 10% heart rate and her lungs had collapsed. They worked on her and she was on all sorts of machines luckily she pulled through. But I didn't even get to hold her till around 3 am. I really feel it's important for mother and child to bond those first few moments of life. I don't think we bonded like we needed to. She had jaundice for over 3 weeks and I had a god awful staph infection. I literally was dying my Hubby worked 12 hours a day and I was at home unable to do much of anything at all. I got so sick with that staph infection and the worse part the hospitial staff nor my doctors told me!! They sent me home knowing about it! Thank God my sister came by to check on me. I could barely care for her on my own little on myself. But, she was there more ways than I know. After coming home from the hospitial I didn't get out much and I think it resulted into post partum depression. The doctors didn't believe in PPD but I had it and I think it's important to get fresh air. Especially with little ones. At times I feel like I'm raising her myself. But men are men! That can't be helped. I would love to give leah a little brother or sister but I think getting in shape is more important. I've tried going to see my patents and even sisters as much as I can. But, I can count on one hand how many times they've been to see me. It's like if I have to bust my @$$ to keep the relationship. I'm tired of it! I had leah's party yesterday and made it at a time my family could come. Not one person from my family showed up and I've been kinda down about it. My parents go to my dead sisters and brothers grave but can't see the ones that are alive WTF? I go see my parents as much as i can and my sisters too but,I feel like they could care less about me and take me for granted. I'm just tired of bending backwards to make them happy and to keep the relationship open! I'm not even gonna waste my time with my families annual Christmas eve party this year. What's the point? Why put on an act? Why come around when they don't all year around. I'm just tired of it. I hope that me and leah are alot closer as she gets older. I hope I can have more children and Leah is close to them. Happy Birthday baby girl I love you so much!!

I heard this song as soon as i Got in my jeep this morning and It was something I needed to hear. Right now I feel very alone. I guess I'm feeling down about how my family treats me.I feel Like I only have my husband and daughter as my family now. I feel like my family has forgotten me and could care less. This song gave me comfort this morning just when I needed it. I'd like to dedicate this song to leah Happy Birthday Baby Girl I ♥ you!

Is cold Season upon us?

I'm not sure when the cold season comes into effect but,everyone here at the house has been sick this past week. If I'm not better by tomorrow I won't be able to go to work. Working in Home Health If I'm sick they don't want us coming in till we are better. Because a little cold could be deadly for an elderly person. Which wouldn't exactly hurt my feelings. But,I've just felt awful so,thats why I've not been around much lately. Today I'm trying to get as much rest as possible and hopefully i will be able to go to work tomorrow. I'm downloading more music for hubby and myself today to put on our ipods.

On the Road to Sucess

I have one massive headache right now I really think the cause is a combination of lack of sleep and sinus headache! Hubby and I have had little spats all weekend it seems and it doesn't help matters! My neice came over late last night about the time I was headed to bed and she wanted to charge her ipod. I love her but,jeez!! anyways she asked if she paid for the Membership at the Local YMCA if I would go with her to go workout. I said of course!! She said it opens up at 5:30 am and doesn't close till 10:30pm so,I could always get up to workout if i decided to. But,she said she wouldn't. She wants to go in the evenings. :P I'm much more of a morning person for working out. I have tons to do of the evenings. Not,sure If the babysitter would watch the toddler for a few hours more in the evenings. I feel like if I don't do it first thing in the mornings I won't do it at all.

I'm really wanting a Wii & Wii Fit. I've heard great things about it and there is so much you can do with it. I've not walked in about 10 days now. Hopefully I can get with the plan in the next few days. My weight has hovered around 288-272 for the last too much and I so tired of making excuses and not loosing more than I have. I've got to do more. I read a blog today about her son asking her why she sits around all the time on the time in this one seat. I felt like I was her and I related to her so much. Alot of times I'm sitting and spending too much on the computer reading about weight loss and fitness and not enough time doing it. So,I have to do it!! Tonight me is going to bed early so,i can get up to go for a walk. I'm doing lunges 3X's a week and push-ups 3X's a week. I went to the grocery store earlier. I got alot of produce and I'm happy about all I've gotten. I think I done well as far as choices go. I hope everyone is having a great Holiday!

My Long Weekend Plans

Well,I'm off work today. yipee!!! Hubby and I watched the movie "21" last night and it was a pretty good movie. I really liked it. My little girl kept wanting to play so,we didn't get too into it at first but,overall i think it was a great movie. Its about a College Student who wants to Go to Medical School and really doesn't have the money but,he is really good with numbers. His professor gets him into the "club" of numbers. So, he is the best at it and He gets greedy and wants it all. His teacher is getting a cut of the money and wants to go out on his own but,gets caught anyways I won't tell everything...lol but,he really shows the teacher a thing or two. Its a good movie.

Today marty,my husband is helping at his brothers house to do some yard work over there for some cash. My husband has made close to $400 of work just for cleaning up at his brothers. Today,I'm doing Laundry and hanging out with my little girl. I'm planning on going to see my parents but,they have a church fuction they have to be at by 3pm so not sure if i will get to make it up there or not? My neice,christina is coming over after 12pm. she was helping with a birthday party and then she is coming over. She is going to go to the White County Fair with us tonight. The Fair Costs $5.00 to get in tonight. They are having the Tractor Pull & Drag Racing @ 7pm that My husband want to see. So,we are mainly going for that. I thought we'd walk around the midway a few times maybe chat with people we know. Thought I would take my camera and take some pictures of leah's First time at the fair.
No plans for tomorrow other than sleeping in. Probably be a late night at the fair so,I know we will all probably sleep in. I have to work monday which is a drag. But,I'm probably only going to work half a day. I think we are planning on cooking out for our supper that night.

The Dreaded Pregnant Picture

This is me preggers. I think I was about 8 months pregnant. I was on strick bedrest so,I gained quite a bit of weight. But,my neice,Tequilla Sunrise (yes,that really is her name!) took this she insisted that I would want pics of being pregnant. I think I gained a little more weight but,not much. I was on strick bedrest because of health issues I was having. I had a rough pregnancy and delivery. I had to have an Emergency Cesearen Section and my stomach muscles went to hell!! oh wait they where before that. Anyhoo,this is at my biggest. Hopefully soon I can post some better pictures where I have lost some weight. I want to weight till i loose a little more weight though.

My Favorite

This is my neice Christina whom I've gotten to where I call her "T-Nut" lately. She can act really silly. She's 16 years young and she just had a bday not too long ago. This was taken about 2 years ago at my baby shower. We had a blast that day. Never had so much at a baby shower. Christina is my favorite beside my own daughter. Her mom was a teenager when she got pregnant & had her. I can remember her coming to our parents house and she'd say here hold your neice and I was instantly in love with her. Such a cutie! What happened...ok ok I'm just joking tnut. I love you girl. We've been close ever since and my only hope leah looks up to her as she has me. Christina is over my house almost every weekend. She's my rent a kid as my husband,marty says. We are planning on going to the White County Fair Tomorrow night to see the Tractor Pull. Hopefully my daughter does well with being out late. She may go to bed late. I guess its another Sunday of sleeping in.

Wake-Up Sleepy Girl

This is My Daughter last July. We went to Morristown,TN to get my step-daughters things at her mothers. My step-daughter,Andrea was moving in with us. Although it was short lived. Anyways she got mad at her dad and moved back in with her mother. Drama I tell ya nothing but,Drama! God,Help her! Love her but,get soo sick of all the drama. Anyways,Leah just woke up from a short-lived nap. We hadn't even gotten out of our Hometown of Sparta,TN when she woke up and it was a long 3 hour drive. Looking back now she had no hair. She was bald! To think I actually thought she actually had some hair then. Her hair has really taken off growing. My only wish is to put it up in a bow by her B-Day which is about a month away. I need to start making prepartions for the Party! Any ideas?