Saturday, December 19, 2009


I'm not sure if anyone ever comes here anymore but Thought I would write today and tell what has really been going on in my life! I've not really been coming and blogging much. For months No, really on and off since my daughter has been born I've not been happy. Actually, I've been extremely depressed. So much at times that I've thought of suicide. I hate to say or even imagine that. Cause I know what Suicide has done to my family in the past! About 7 years ago my sister, Marcia Committed Suicide and I know that I can't put my family through that again! I have a beautiful daughter to think of. I know that I can get through this its going to be hard. But I think I already know what I've got to do. 

So much has changed between my husband and I. I'm not sure if any of it can be repaired. So much has happened. I love him, but I can't keep getting hurt and I have to do what is best not only for myself, but for my daughter too. I guess it started when I had my daughter, I had an emergency C-Section and had a staph infection  (MRSA) but later found out once I got home about it! Anyways, he has always worked a lot of hours. Leah has always had to stay in our bedroom, because we've either lived in a small house that was only a one bedroom or we've lived with someone where we only had one room to ourself. He would get mad if she cried or if she stayed up late. It would keep him up! And of course he had to be at work the next morning. Then he would begin hiding certain "Habits" I found out about them and finally accepted those "habits" but he wasn't being the person I fell in love with. He told me he was a Good Christian man and that's what I fell in love with. I think we've always argued about him not wanting to spend some time with me and showing me those little gestures that he loves me. But he doesn't. He said I shouldn't have to have that, that I'm living some fairy tale. He told me the other night that what he wanted most was for EVERYONE to leave him alone! He works almost 60 hours a week, and he doesn't want to spend time with his wife and children??? isn't something wrong with that picture? This coming March my husband had a car accident 2 years ago, he almost died. I've had a near death accident, in which I started not taken life for granted so much. But, not him. He has even said he wished he went ahead and died. Well, we where in bed one night. He began punching me in the face. I guess I should of left then. But he said he it was an accident and that he done that in his sleep. Maybe he did but who is to say he didn't do it on purpose to try and make me leave. I don't know. But why stay in a marriage if your miserable and unhappy? I always said I didn't believe in divorce but I guess overtime when so many things have happened you just get tired of caring and just want to be whole again. I'm not working and just going to school which makes this much harder. My jeep is tore up and have no way about going anywhere which makes it just as hard. Hopefully I can get it fix soon. 
Thursday, December 10, 2009


If any of you know me you know how much I love to read. I recently bought me the EZReader Pocket Book Pro in Pink! I love love it!!! I bought it for myself as a Christmas Present to myself. I ordered their package to help others and they gave so much of the proceeds to help 2nd harvest food bank. I love it don't get me wrong, but I really would love to have a Kindle! I mean what is not to love about it. There are several contests going on to win one right now so here is one!

The Great Kindle II Giveaway

An HP TouchSmart 600 PC Very Merry Christmas

HP TouchSmart 600 PC Reviews With 5 Ways to Win One For Yourself! BlogHer

There are 5 Lucky bloggers who where chosen to to try out this wonderful computer to review and host a giveaway! How lucky are they!!! If you want to win check out these blogs for your chance to win, there are 5 chances to win just check these sites out!!!

Kelly's Korner
A Year of Slow Cooking
My Charming Kids
The NieNie Dialogues

so go check these sites out, or DON'T and give me a chance to win ;)
Monday, December 7, 2009

Have you Started your christmas shopping?

I've barely done much shopping yet. I'm not sure who all I'm getting gifts for. I have to get a book for leah's book giveaway at school. I've gotten my husband a few t shirts which he really needed. He doesn't have many work shirts and they are all looking ragged. I've gotten leah Several things for christmas.

We got her a 12" training wheels bike.
A Baby Alive
A few outfits for school
 I'm going to try and start working with her after The Christmas Holidays to try and get her sleeping in a big bed!! Its brutal when she sleepys with mommy and daddy!!!! I would love to find her some sort of bedding set that she she would like. She is wanting Dora but I hate her!!! The last thing I want to see is Dora stuff all over the place!lol I guess that makes me a bad mommy,eh?

My husband gave me the money to get my christmas gift but I really don't desire anything? I got everything I was really wanting out of my financial aide this last time I received it.
I got new cell phone service through verizon. I got a blackberry I mean nothing against it! Its a great phone, I guess I'm just an apple girl till the day I die! I also got me an EBook Reader! Its called the EZReader Pocket Pro 5" in pink! It came with 400 ebooks on a memory card. They are mostly the classic but hey free books! It also came with a book light which, I've been using a lot with my laptop if I'm having to do a lot of homework at night! I got a coupon through to get 50% back when I buy my first 10 books through them. PLUS with each book you buy through them you get rewards to use to get more books!
I may use my Christmas Money to pay my Cell Phone Bill Next month. I already paid it for this month so I don't have anything due the end of January! I may buy me a few pairs of new jeans! I don't have many clothes so it would help. I might even see if I can find me a pretty cross necklace. I've been wanting a New Wedding Ring Set and my husband knows that but he has never offered to get it yet! Its like I have to tell him what to get me, instead of being spontaneous and surprizing me! Ugh! how boring is that?